Sometimes I find it hard to understand what I feel and struggle to communicate. Recently I found myself communicating through song lyrics. One of the most recent songs that has spoken to me and touched my heart is “Go easy on Me” from Adele. Although the meaning behind the song does not relate to my situation at all, the song lyrics could be used for the purpose of my life and situation. In this I realised that there might be other songs that I could use to my benefit. I find sitting with my journal and the song lyrics while listening to the music really helps my healing process.
Let me explain what I mean by analysing the song lyrics of “Go easy on Me” and for full disclosure the source of the Lyrics and compliments to the song writers can be found below:
Songwriters: Adele Laurie Blue Adkins / Gregory Allen Kurstin
Easy on Me lyrics © Jack Reynolds, Jack Reynolds Music, O/B/O DistroKid, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group Source: LyricFind
When I look at the first verse “There ain’t no gold in this river. That I’ve been washin’ my hands in forever” I can relate to my past and my current chronic illness situation. I relate because there has been no gold in it for me and by staying in this space in my past and focusing in so much on my health, I won’t find peace, healing, love. This is because that “river” that path I have been on has no “gold” and if it did it is now gone. The “gold” to me signifies, healing, love, progress, life, living, moving on, serenity…
However, if I look at the next line “I know there is hope in these waters. But I can’t bring myself to swim when I am drowning in this silence Baby, let me in”. My heart knows that there is more out there in the world for me there is hope and there is “gold’ out there. But right now, in my life I am drowning and its hard and I need help. I am struggling to swim in the waters, in the hand that life has dealt me and a lot of the time I am drowning in silence. My chronic illness is invisible to most and because I have learnt to function with it most of the time I do so with the pain, with the discomfort both psychologically and physically. As I am typing this, I can feel my tight jaw, my headache and the burning of my eyes and tight shoulders, but I am the only one that can feel this, I am the only one that can feel the sadness or exhaustion and the weight of my trauma, no one else can see this and so I am alone in it. So, this is where I have to let myself in.
The next part of the song is just as much a plea to myself, a reminder, but also to my friends, family and the world, to go easy on me, to go easy on ourselves. I can be very hard on myself and so as I hear Adele sing these words it hits me. As you read these words my wish for you will be to take it in and to really go easy on yourself, perhaps play the song as you read it as it is such a beautiful piece of music.
“Go easy on me, baby
I was still a child
Didn’t get the chance to
Feel the world around me
I had no time to choose
What I chose to do
So go easy on me”
The reality is that most of the stuff that has stuck with us and certainly it is so for me happened when we were young adults or children. I constantly have to remind myself that I didn’t know better and that I need to forgive myself. When one is in a trauma situation there isn’t always many choices and sometimes the choices, we have are all kind of crappy. So again, the reminder to forgive oneself and to grow and learn from those mistakes and move on. To let go of what was because staying in that river will not give us (me) any “gold” because there is none. I certainly had no time for feelings when I was a child and had no words to even describe what I might have felt. And so again the song beckons me to feel. To feel the feelings now and to remember to go easy on myself as I do.
The song lyrics that follow in verse two takes on its own meaning.
“There ain’t no room for things to change
When we are both so deeply stuck in our ways
You can’t deny how hard I’ve tried
I changed who I was to put you both first
But now I give up”
For me it reminds me to remember that we all have our demons or struggles and our pasts. We are all stuck in pathways, and they are hard to break sometimes. I certainly have tried so hard so many times and often fail. I also believe sometimes we give too much of ourselves and change to be there for others. The last part of this verse reminds me to again return to self, it reminds me again that there is no “gold” in not being authentically me and to put myself first in order to be there for others. The words “But now I give up” hits me in my core and a tiredness sweeps over me because it tells me exactly where I am. I am giving up on what does not serve me anymore. I am giving up what hurts me and letting go of the past and the present things that is not good for me. It has weight both in the negative of the giving up but also a strange relief and hope of letting go of these things that does not serve me. I tells me that I need and want to give up certain things. This is a positive thing I need for growth.
I think the above makes the point I wanted to make in saying if you don’t have the language, sometimes other people do. I have found music therapy in all its different forms very helpful and having the music to the words seem to help the emotions to really come forward and then healing can happen. So next time a song really resonates with you, stop, listen, feel and try and find out why. Sit with the lyrics, you might just find some answers you have been waiting for.
Until next time…
